I Will Say It First

for all the times I couldn't

I never tell people that I love them. I never tell them how much they mean to me, how comfortable they make me feel, or how grateful I am to have them in my life. I’ve never been good at expressing my feelings. Even now, I still struggle to find the right words, but at least now, I try.

For a long time, I didn’t.

And that’s something I carry with me. I never told my best friend that I loved her, I loved the way we laughed, I loved the way we could use a single pencil case at school before she passed away. I never told my grandmother how much she meant to me before she was gone and so neither did I say it to my guy friend who taught me how to be confident before taking his own life because he didn’t believe in himself.
There are friends I’ve lost, friendships that ended, people who drifted away, and so many of them never got to hear what I TRULY felt. Not in a letter. Not in a message. Not in a conversation. Not in any way at all.

So this is a promise to myself
I will say it first. I will tell people that I love them while they’re still here to hear it. Because I don’t want my words having to live only as regrets anymore.